Even today, I was only awake for ten minutes before I started to cry, and I have spent the entire day crying on and off. Generally when I am in this kind of state I don't want to see anyone, but last night one of my cousins stopped by to check on me and she brought her adorable little family with her, and at least for the few minutes they were here singing I had to smile. I even managed to snap a few pics, because if you look at these adorable faces how can you not smile, no matter how depressed you are?
They were all so cute and sang at least 5 or 6 songs, then offered a very sweet prayer before they left. I was very touched by their visit, even though it was hard for me to have people see me when I'm in a depressed state. I truly am blessed to have so much family that loves and cares about me, and also understands depression.
I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my family here to help me right now. This morning my mom came over and helped get Mercedes ready for school. One of my challenges when I'm dealing with severe depression is that I don't sleep well (if at all)...to the point that I can barely function. I also can't eat, and I cry ALL the time, which leads to severe headaches. Since today is day three or four of severe non-functioning I have scheduled a dr.'s appointment for tomorrow, so hopefully he can help me out. For tonight Mercedes got to have a sleep-over at her cousins house because tomorrow morning is choir practice so it was just easier for her to stay there and get up and go with them. I sure miss her when she's not here though, but at least she was here for a few hours after school.
My plans tonight are just to try to get some sleep and maybe if I'm up to it make a card or two, but at this point my main focus is just on making sure that I get to the dr. tomorrow. Hopefully soon my posts will be back to containing creative things and not just all this depressive stuff.
2 comments:
I hope your Dr. can help you out Tania. I'm so sorry you are struggling so much. Email me if you need to "talk" (((hugs)))
Tania,
I read your blog post and I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles with depression. It's one of my lifes challenges. I hope you get the help you need from your doctor. The best things that have helped me are (1) I've learned how to nurture me, (2) I've learned about positive affirmations and how they have changed my thought processes, (3) I've learned to recognize false self talk and identify it and fix it (example - say to yourself 'that is not true' and replace it with a true statement 'this is true'. (4) for insomnia get into a regular pre-bed routine (example a hot bath, nice smelling body lotion, read a few pages in a good book, listen to some uplifting music, use aromatherapy to relax) There were years where I couldn't sleep unless music was on I like to listen to piano music to fall asleep (Jim Brickman is really good). Hope this helps. Also Melatonin tablets are wonderful to help with sleep. Getting up early helps, exercise, sunshine and good nutrition help too. I love you and care about you. Take care, Shelly
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