Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Dreary day...

The weather has been cold & dreary here all day...doesn't help the spirits much either. I did go to Tales for Tots with Sonda & Sawyer, Hope and Mercedes. It was offered through the local library and they did a fantastic job! They read stories, then played some games, decorated treat bags, had a pinata & then got to make alien cookies, astonaut pudding and drink tang! Can you guess that the theme was space? lol The kids had a ball and I was very impressed with how well run it was...gotta love the library!

Mercedes wanted to go over and play with Sonda's kids for a while, so I came home and just felt kinda blah, so I started watching a movie, but ended up taking a nap. I don't really feel depressed (well maybe a little), but I sure have not had any energy the last few days. I'm just hoping that it's a cold or something...don't here that too often! lol

I had ordered two of these stamps. I'm very impressed with the company, as the shipping was very prompt and they even threw in a little freebie stamp. Anyways I took them over to my mom's to show her and get my stepdad to make me some wooden blocks to mount them on. My mom and I decided to make a quick trip downtown and on the way back she said to me "isn't it kinda nice to not have to explain to anyone what you did all day, or what's for supper, or worry about what kind of mood they'll be in when they get home from work" and I said "yes, it is nice...it is very nice, but it's kinda lonely"

I've been feeling lonely alot lately. I don't miss Brad per se...I just miss adult conversation. My mom hasn't seemed too interested in just sitting and visiting lately, and I don't really know anyone else yet. My sister, but she's always busy with her 6 kids and well, we would not be BEST FRIENDS if we weren't sisters...FRIENDS maybe, but not BEST FRIENDS! Maybe I just feel it more right now cause I don't have any long distance for another week...but still, there is something to be said about fact-to-face conversation. Without feeling like the other person would rather be doing something else (my mom) or doesn't have time (my mom & my sister). I just miss having someone to watch a movie with...you know I don't generally like talking when I'm trying to watch a movie, but someone to make occasional comments like "did you see that?" or "I can't believe that just happened" and then someone to talk to after the movie is over... like "that was soooo great" or "WHAT a stupid movie" ... just talking.

It amazes me how I can be so glad to have time to myself and yet feel so lonely at the same time. I miss having friends pop by just to visit...I miss having conversations with someone over the age of 4 at the dinner table ... but that's life...you always sacfrice something for something else...so I need to just wipe these tears from my cheeks, and buck up little camper...things could be worse, I could still be living with a alcoholic crackhead....AND THANK GOD I'M NOT!!!

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